I could see it clearly once
by RoseandThorns
Summary: After an abusive relationship with Seto , Yami runs. But not to Yugi, the distance between Yami and Hikari has broken the bond between them. So...Yami runs away. Leaving everyone behind. Including Yugi. Sorry....


........yeah......no idea where this came from....um....enjoy.....one other thing....its angst Yami again! SORRY! But he's more fun to torture. Hurt Yugi's been done before. This is a lot like 'Broken hearted' actually this is the original. But now it's a totally different story. So....enjoy? DON'T HATE ME FOR THE RANDOMNESS AND BAD WRITING! Love you.

Song: Runaway- Pink.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

I've changed one word in the song: Girl to guy and cut some of the song, it is a bit repetitive.

You know the drill

_/..../_ means Yugi

_//...//_ means Yami.

..................................................................

Yami.

I could see clearly once.

I used to pride myself on my strength. I was strong in both duel monsters and in my physical strength. But I always knew that mentally I was weak. Thousands of years trapped inside a puzzle has gnawed away at my mind and left me with a damaged mind and soul. I wanted to prove to them that I could be strong like them. That I could learn to trust those around me and earn the right to be trusted and loved. But I couldn't do that. I don't blame them for turning away from me and leaving before anyone was killed by my reckless stupidity. But I do wish that Yugi had given me my peace and allowed me to leave for the afterlife that time. I wish I hadn't believed those tears were real. Those tears captured my heart and made me stay behind with him. At first he seemed so happy. I could hear his thoughts 'his Yami was staying with him'. I could sense his contentment whenever I looked at him and I thought it would never end. But then he changed and he became angry with me. I still don't understand what I did wrong. I've gone over the weeks a million times in my mind and I can't understand. I suppose it's my punishment for falling in love with my light. The darkness has no right in loving anyone. Yugi's abandonment of me tore through me and made me cold and bitter. Something Seto seemed to find attractive. I knew neither of us loved the other, we were just compensating for the holes in our hearts. Seto's heart belonged to Jou, it always would, I knew that. Just as Seto knew my heart would not waver from loving my lighter half. I think I broke Yugi's trust in me when I admitted to my relationship with Seto. There was always a strange look in his eyes after that. I told Seto and he didn't care, told me Yugi was jealous. Our love making was rough and strangely formal, both wishing it was someone else. His kisses were rough; he used to grab my jaw and crush his lips to mine, bruising. He trapped my smaller body beneath him, stroking possessively and thrusting into me painfully. He ignored my tears whenever they slipped from my eyes. I felt like a toy, a possession, I had lost all say in the relationship. I wanted to beg for Yugi to come and save me. But I knew he wouldn't. He hated me. Seto lost all control one night. He ignored my pleas and ripped of my clothes. This was hard wicked sex and he didn't care. He didn't care that it hurt me. When I begged him to stop he didn't listen to me, just hungrily kissed me and stroked my face.

"You're beautiful." He murmured above me in the brief seconds he stopped his assault on my mouth. "And mine."

If I was beautiful I cursed it. If this was love I hated it. I didn't want it anymore. Seto left me on my doorstep, confused, hurting and alone. The lights were off in the house, Yugi and Grandpa had given up on me months ago. My key didn't seem to want to fit into the lock and I feared Yugi had locked me out for good. I tried to ignore my tears, never had I cried so much in my life. I stumbled blindly into the house, sliding down the wall and crying pitifully. Please, Yugi, please, come and save me. He didn't. No one in the house stirred. After a while, I stood up shakily, wincing at the pain and climbed the stairs. The shower didn't wash away the feel of Seto or the violation I felt. It didn't wash away the pain or the bruises on my skin. I saw then my swollen lips and my coloured cheek. My desire to run only grew. I was trapped in this harsh relationship, nowhere to run on either side. No one to comfort me or take away my nightmares. I sat underneath the shower as it ran onto my head, sobbing and cursing myself and my life. I felt like I was back inside the puzzle, a puppet to someone else. The walls seemed to be closing in around me. I fell away from everyone. I did not resurface.

When Seto came the next morning, I shrank away from him. I tried to run from him, retreat into the safety of someone's arms, but he caught my wrist. I struggled against him, fear like a knife in my heart. He was stronger than me and held me in a painful grip.

"Let me go! Please! Let go!" I begged, struggling as my panic began to choke me. I didn't recognise my own voice, it was filled with terror and hurt.

Seto didn't answer nor did he release me. His eyes were filled with coldness, how could there be love there? Was he really a mirror of myself? I didn't want to believe it. Seto gripped my jaw and I knew what he was about to do.

"NO!" I started to protest. But his lips came down swift and hard, cutting of my protest.

I struggled again, pushing against his chest and trying to turn my mouth away. Why wasn't Yugi helping me? He can't still be asleep, can he? Why wasn't Grandpa in the kitchen? Did they sit upstairs and laugh at me as I screamed and cried and bled? His hand slid under my shirt, roughly pressing against already tender skin. A terror filled scream erupted inside my mind. He forced his tongue into my mouth, seeming to enjoy the tension and obvious fear in my body. He lingered in my mouth for a few more moments before pulling away and fixing me with a bitter glare.

"You mean nothing. Never forget it."

His hand hit my face and I crashed to the ground, submitting and bowing before him. He sneered before turning and leaving me a pitiful broken wreck on the floor. He didn't care. There was no one in this world that did. My own light didn't. I heard him come downstairs, humming to himself. I didn't have the strength to stand and act like everything was all right. My facade had splintered and cracked and finally smashed at my feet. I felt myself shutting down, locking part of me away in my mind.

"Yami? Are you okay?" Yugi asked, is that really concern in his voice or just wishful thinking?

Yugi's kneeling in front of me, his hands hovering over me. He can't even bear to touch me. I'm that repulsive. I can't look at him; he'll see my face, my shame, my curse. I want to hate him for abandoning me but I can't. I love him too much.

"Yami, you're scaring me. What's happened to you?"

"Why didn't you come?" I asked, finally raising my head.

He gasps and touches my cheek. I hiss at the dull pain and the reminder of that night. Yugi's hand retreats and he stands up. I don't even have to look at him to know what he's thinking. All his anger and hatred is burning down the link and it's all directed at me.

"Go upstairs Yami. I need to talk to Grandpa."

I nodded, and stood up, nearly bumping into Grandpa as he stood behind me. I kept my head bowed and ran past him, damn the tears that don't seem to stop falling. They're probably talking about how they don't want me in their home anymore. Me, the tainted ex-pharaoh, the one without a place in the world. How did I get myself into this? I was lonely and so I went to Seto and my loneliness increased. That and self hatred. I want to run, escape this life I'm in. Allow Yugi to start a new life without me to hold him back. I'm to damaged and to broken to be of any use. I know that no one will want me. I can't hold onto this false hope anymore.

_I've got my things packed  
my favourite pillow  
Got my sleeping bag_

I reach under the bed and pulled out the drawstring bag. It's old and worn, tattered around the edges from years of being stuffed in a crowded locker but it's all I need. I grab the stash of cash I've kept a secret. I was going to use it to buy Yugi a birthday present but I need it more. There's probably about fifty pounds or something close here. I throw it into the bag. There isn't much I want; I know not to travel heavy. The gold bracelet Yugi gave me for Christmas is a must. I clip in on and shake myself out of memories. I grab a coat from my wardrobe and pull on my old boots. I turn and find myself wanting to take something else that reminds me of Yugi. My eyes find his bed and travel to his pillow. I pick it up and hold it to my chest. It smells of him and off home. There's a lingering smell of cookies and I remember the time we ate a whole batch of freshly baked cookies as we perched here on his bed. We expected Grandpa to be angry with us and we babbled out the first thing that came into our heads. But he didn't care; he smiled and laughed with us. We laughed so hard on that day and I haven't laughed since. I'd give anything to relive those days again and know they're not going to fall away from underneath me. I slide the pillow into the bag and pull a blanket down from the top shelf of the cupboard. Stuff that into the bag. My hand falls to the Millennium Puzzle. Slowly I slip it off and I hear a muffled exclamation from downstairs. It's not painful separating it from my body; it's an odd feeling in my heart and in my mind. Like someone's just yanked on my heart and tickled a part of my mind. Maybe Yugi felt something else; I hope it didn't hurt him. I don't think there's enough of me left to feel any pain. Carefully I put the puzzle into the bag. I'm not leaving this little piece of home behind.

_Climb out the window  
_

I take one last look around the room as I sit on the windowsill. The duel monsters posters are fading and peeling away from the wall. Our combined deck sits on the desk, untouched by me but loved by Yugi. I can feel in my soul that they don't want me to go. They're practically begging me to stay and talk to Yugi. But I can't so I shake my head at them and unlatch the window. There's an eruption of emotions and voices but I ignore them all. The crisp January air rushes into the room and bites against exposed skin. I should grab a scarf or some gloves but they're downstairs. Yugi and Grandpa are downstairs and I can't face them. Coward to the end. I sigh and silently leave the room through the window. I drop to the ground and walk swiftly away. I can't risk a glance over my shoulder if I do I might not be able to leave.

_/I'm so sorry/_

_All the pictures and pain  
I left behind  
all the freedom and fame  
I've gotta find  
_

I've left everything I've ever known behind me. All those pictures Anzu took of us, when we went to the beach that time. The happy memories of Yugi and of life caught in a motionless snapshot. I know that memories and life are not to be taken lightly and so that why I can't stay. I wasted one lifetime being Pharaoh to a civilisation that ended centuries ago. This lifetime I will be who I want to be. This life has brought me light and laughter but it has also brought me pain. Brought me a life bound in chains and tied to a golden puzzle. But now I'm breaking free and leaving everything. I know it's wrong to leave. I mean there's Yugi and my job at the Game shop, not to mention I was about to start school but that's all irrelevant. I know that poverty and empty streets await me out there but it's what I want. Even as I'm walking I'm trying to convince myself it's what I want. I'm leaving and that's all there is to it. I pass people in the street. They all stare at my face and I try to hide it by bowing my head and hurrying past. I can hear a woman whispering behind me but I don't try to work out what she's saying but I think I heard 'Mouto', 'running away' and 'abused'. Yes, I was abused but not by Yugi and his Grandfather. I run faster, away from her, away from Yugi and away from Seto. I'm going to make something of myself. I don't want to be the King of Games anymore because that's Yugi's title. He won it when he beat me. I know that somewhere out there I'll find something for me. Might find fame or something else. Right now, I just want to forget who I am.

_And I wonder  
How long it'll take them to notice that I'm gone  
And I wonder  
How far it'll take me_

I know that soon they'll check up on me. Yugi felt the separation of the puzzle from me. He was shoved roughly out of my mind. I bet that upset him. I don't expect it made him worry. If he doesn't check up on me because of that, Grandpa will call me down for breakfast and I won't be there. I'll never be there again. I'm positive that I'm never going back. I just want to stay away from Seto. I don't want Yugi to know my shame. I'm too proud for that, I know I am but I don't want pity. I want someone to hold me close and never ever let me go. I wanted that person to be Yugi but I guess he didn't want that. I can't blame him but still it hurts. Wonder how they'll react when they notice I'm gone. Will they smile or cry? I want to believe they'll cry but my snarling mind tells me that they'll be over the moon. I won't be there to hold them back. They'll be no more darkness hidden around corners. I hope they can live as they did before I ever appeared in their lives.

_/I do love you, I'm just afraid/_

To run away  
Life don't make any sense to me  


Nothing makes sense and I can't stay here. Is this another twisted test? Someway to ensure I'm fit for this world? If so then let me fail it! Let me return to the afterlife! Is this my punishment for my other life? In that life I didn't only save I killed. I was ruthless and merciless. The essential criteria for a Pharaoh of Egypt. My father told me this, but in his heart was a light I don't have. He was his own light in the darkness. My light comes from a boy who left me long ago and I've only just noticed. I couldn't hold onto him and he took his light with him and now I slowly drown in darkness and my mind slips away from me. It's easy to see on my face, even before this hell with Seto started. I am falling fast and hard without anyone to catch me and I hate them. My sanity means nothing to them and its beginning to mean nothing to me. I want to stay and live but it's so hard.

__

I was just trying to be myself  
you go your way I'll meet you in hell  


I am the darkness, the darkness always depends on the light and I needed him beside me. Gods, I can't get over that. Can't get over the fact that he's abandoned me. All I really wanted was to be me and be accepted and loved with no strings attached. I know that I'm proud and I can be arrogant sometimes but its part of who I am. I never mean to insult but I do. Maybe that's why Yugi suddenly started hating me. Because I offended him and I didn't try to fix it. I ran my fingers through my hair and pulled my coat tighter around me. I've been walking and brooding for ages. I must be a good distance away from the Game shop by now. I still can't turn around, I just continue to walk in a straight line, heading for the edge of town. I wonder where I'll go once I get there. I could get a bus as far away from here as possible. That sounds good. What is that nag in my mind? It's really annoying. I hope you end up in hell **Kaiba**. I hope you burn and suffer. I know I'll see you there. I'm going to hell. I'm already half way there. I've sinned enough for every man, women and child on this planet. I'm not going to fight going to hell but I will drag you down with me and hold you there. And I'll laugh. Laugh as you scream and beg and cry and bleed. I won't help you. I'll ignore your tears and your begging will fall on deaf ears and not affect my ice cold heart. There's no escaping from the sins of your past. I'll make sure you end up in hell and I'll make sure you're not spared. I'll show you the fiery rage of a Yami and of the darkness itself. You took advantage of me. Used your strength to hold me down and watch me squirm. Used my confusion and my shattered heart for your own pleasures. You're a monster and a demon. You belong where I belong but you do not belong by my side.

_It's all these secrets that I shouldn't tell I've got to run away  
it's hypocritical of you  
_

_Do as you say not as you do_

I just can't tell the world what he did to me. I can't tell Yugi that Kiba forced himself on me. I can't say that I've felt Kiba's hands over my body and tasted him. He tastes of malice and of broken families. I can't say that he made me bleed; where madmen have failed he brought me to my knees. But I know that if I stayed I would tell him. I cry it all out to him and he'd hate me even more. Banish me to the puzzle. I just can't. At least he can't hate me anymore than he must do now.

_/Why are you keeping secrets from me? What's happened to us?/_

_  
I'll never be your perfect guy  
_

The day is perfect, light, when the world thrives. The night is full of nightmares and monsters. If Yugi is the day, am I the night? I can't be perfect with demon eyes and a demon soul. Gods, was life always this complicated? Why can't I be who you want?

_/You've got it all wrong. You ARE the night, but the night is beautiful, mysterious, filled with stars and the moon. Night is when things heal, when masks can fade away. Nightmares aren't the only thing in people's minds when they sleep. Dreams, happy, safe, deepest desires. I...I dream of you/_

_I've got to run away  
/Where are you? Please, come home/  
_

_  
I might have nowhere left to go  
but I know that I cannot go home  
_

I'm going to head for the city, start my new life there. A life without hurt, without Kiaba. Stupid jerk. I can't help but smile as my hurt fades to anger. The physical pain is gone and soon my emotional pain will lessen. It won't go, but that's fine. I can use it to rebuild myself. Lock myself down, freeze myself. But I will survive, I always do. Yugi has taught me much about this world and I know enough to be a part of it.

But.....

Whenever I close my eyes, I see my old home. My friends, Yugi, Grandpa. I see warmth and open arms. I start to wonder why I'm running. Then I remember Kiaba...him on me...rough, poisoness tongue in my mouth...my own agonised screams. I hear myself calling one name, YUGI!, feel the heartbreak when he doesn't come.

_/Kiaba did WHAT to you?! I'm gonna KILL him!/_

_//....A-aibou?//_

_These words are strapped inside my head  
Tell me to run before I'm dead  
_

It's these shadows in my mind, sensing my turmoil, laying things out clearly before me. Telling me to run, urging me on. It's the monsters, dark magician, trying to convince me to go home, to turn around and walk back. Everything points to one thing, one idea...run...run fast and don't look back.

_Chase the rainbows in my mind  
and I will try to stay alive  
_

For Yugi, my father, my friends, I will live. I'll stay alive. One way or another. Here or in the afterlife. Someway, I'll have a life.

_I could change my name  
Come and go as I please  
_

I could become someone else. Change my hair, my clothes. Let Yami, Pharaoh Atemu, become a memory. A secret only I know about. Allow him to fall into the cracks of time, history, where he belongs. Let him become the nameless Pharaoh of myths and legends. A children's bedtime story. Sure...Isis might be scared when I disappear but the world IS saved, no one's coming after it ever again. If evil comes....someone else can save the world....I'm THROUGH with it.

_In the dead of night  
you'll wonder where I've gone  
_

Will you lie awake at night Yugi? Lie awake and wonder where I am?

Will you stand beside my empty bed, with the puzzle in your hands and call to me, only to be answered by silence?

Will tears roll down your face, when the silence continues through your life?

Will you shatter when the others leave you, when you realise you're alone?

_/.....yes....I'll do all of it...I'll beg you to come back to me....call out your name. And forever know that you won't come back to me. As time drags on tears will fall and I will shatter. I know they'll leave me, everyone always does. But, I never thought you would. I understand though, this is your revenge. Revenge for when I didn't hear you crying and for ignoring you when I did hear you. I'm sorry. I...I..../_

...............................................................

AHHHHHH!

Dare I ask for reviews?


End file.
